


A Cousin's "Love"

by Rainbow35



Series: Unsettling Projections [1]
Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Tamers
Genre: (child on child sexual abuse), Angst, Depressing, Emotional Manipulation, Gaslighting, Incest, M/M, Rape, Sexual Abuse, Trauma, cocsa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-05-29 03:01:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6356224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbow35/pseuds/Rainbow35
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first, Takato is excited that his cousin Kai has come to visit. But then Kai starts touching Takato and insisting on doing sexual things. Kai tells Takato that this is just what cousins do, but if that's true, why does it feel so wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

(Takato's POV)

Takato was excited; his cousin Kai had just arrived, and was staying for the next two weeks. He hadn't seen his cousin since fighting the D-Reaper, and that was months ago now.

"Hey," Kai said, "Where's Guilmon?"

"Oh," Takato said sadly, "After we defeated the D-Reaper, all the digimon had to go back to the digital world. Did nobody tell you that?"

"Seriously? Aw, man, that sucks. Guilmon was so awesome!"

"Yeah, I know. I'm hoping we'll see them again someday, though."

Kai nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure you will."

Takato looked away, "Anyway, why don't we talk about something else now. Like… Um… Hey, do you wanna see my room? You'll be sleeping in there."

"Yeah, sure!"

"Okay, you can bring your stuff up, too."

The two of them went up to Takato's room, and Kai dropped his luggage on the floor.

"Okay," Takato said, "I have a bed," he pointed to his bed, "And a futon," he pointed to the futon on the ground, "I don't mind where I sleep, so you can have whichever."

"Hmm," Kai said, "Why don't we sleep together, so it'll be warmer?"

Takato was surprised by that. It wasn't even cold, was it? Then again, maybe Kai found it cold because it was usually warmer in Okinawa? That must have been it.

"Uh, yeah, sure, if you want."

"Cool!" Kai said, "And anyway, I don't want to miss a second of spending time with my favourite cousin!"

That made sense, Takato figured. Though wasn't he Kai's _only_ cousin? So the "favourite" part didn't mean very much. But he still got the idea.

Somehow though, Kai saying that had given him a weird feeling. But he was just being paranoid, he was sure.

He smiled, "Yeah! Though aren't I your only cousin?"

Kai laughed, "Yeah, but you get what I mean. So, what are we gonna do today?"

"Hmm, I don't know about today since you just got here and all, but tomorrow we can meet up with the other tamers, if you want."

"Sounds great!"

* * *

That night, Takato and Kai were sleeping next to each other on the futon on the floor. Or more accurately, they were half-asleep. Takato hadn't quite managed to fall asleep yet, and Kai seemed to be shifting around a bit too much to be completely asleep.

Suddenly, Kai turned over towards Takato and hugged him close to him. That woke him up.

"Uh, Kai?" Takato whispered, "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean what am I doing?" Kai whispered back, as he started trailing one hand down Takato's side, towards his hip.

Takato's heart started beating faster, but not in a good way. He tried to move away and gently remove Kai's hand from him, but Kai kept his hand where it was, and held Takato tight with his other arm.

Maybe Kai _was_ asleep, and thought Takato was… Someone else, anyway. He wasn't sure who.

Kai moved his hand and started to fondle Takato's butt. Takato froze and suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe.

"I- I don't think I'm okay with this," Takato said.

"What? Don't be like that, of course you are," Kai said, and opened his eyes, "Come on, you can do the same to me if you want."

Kai squeezed Takato's butt, then grabbed one of Takato's hands and moved it towards him, "See? It's no big deal," he said, as he put Takato's hand down his pants, onto his crotch, then moved his own hand back to where it had been.

Takato gave a small cry and quickly removed his hand from Kai's pants, "I don't know what's happening, but I don't want to do this. I don't want to touch you there."

"Come on, man. You haven't even tried it! It'll be fun. We're _cousins._ I don't know what your problem is."

Wasn't that part of the problem? That they were cousins? But the way Kai said it, he was acting like this kind of thing was normal for cousins to do. Maybe it was? Takato realised that he actually wouldn't know what was normal for cousins and what wasn't, so maybe Kai was right and he was wrong.

"I-I'm sorry," Takato said, "I've never done anything like this before."

"Oh, really? Well, now you have. So come _on,_ " Kai said, and moved Takato's hand into his pants again.

"O-okay, I guess," Takato said. Maybe he was making too big a deal of this? He didn't like it and didn't want to do it, but maybe that was no reason to be so hesitant about it.

Kai, with his hand still holding Takato's, moved his hand so that Takato was gently squeezing his penis.

"See? Now I'll do the same to you," he said, and moved his hand into the front of Takato's pants.

Takato felt Kai's penis swelling slightly in his hand, and blushed. He squeezed it gently again, then started rubbing it and moving his hand long it, wondering if that was what Kai wanted him to do.

Kai gasped quietly, "Yeah, that's perfect, keep doing that."

Kai's penis was fully erect in Takato's hand now, and Takato felt extremely unsettled. He gasped when Kai started doing the same thing to him.

To his embarrassment, Takato realised he was getting an erection from Kai's stimulation, too.

For the next while, neither boy said a word as the two of them continued to touch each other.

"Um, Kai," Takato said breathlessly, "Are cousins supposed to do this?"

"Yeah, of course," Kai said, "Did you not know that? You're the only cousin I have on my mom's side, but I have some older cousins on my dad's side and we do this all the time."

"Oh, okay. I never heard of it before."

"Well yeah, it's not the kind of thing you talk about in public or anything. Like, everyone pees, but you don't tell people about that all the time."

"Oh, that makes sense, yeah," Takato said. Kai's explanation made perfect sense, but something still felt wrong about this. Even if it was normal, he still didn't like it and didn't want to be doing it.

Physically, it gave him kind of a nice feeling, but something about it just felt so _wrong_.

Before he could think any further on that, he gasped sharply as his penis throbbed and Kai increased the speed of his strokes. Takato's mind went blank as he orgasmed, but as soon as he was done, he went right back to feeling unsettled. He wondered what was wrong with him and why he didn't like this.

Takato kept stroking Kai, and also increased his speed as Kai seemed to be getting close to orgasm, too. Finally, Kai finished, and Takato took his hand out of Kai's pants.

Both cousins soon fell asleep, despite each having a sticky hand and sticky pants.


	2. Chapter 2

When Takato woke up the next morning, he briefly wondered if the previous night might have been a dream, but soon realised that it couldn't have been, as his hand still had Kai's cum on it, and his pants were still sticky from his own.

He noticed that Kai was gone. Kai must have gotten up earlier.

Takato brought clean clothes into the bathroom, and took a shower.

As soon as he stepped under the water, he started to cry. Why did what happened with Kai make him feel so awful? He covered his face with his hands and sobbed.

Even though the cum had washed off him now, he still felt filthy. He turned the water up to a near scalding heat. Somehow, even though it was hot enough to hurt, he didn't really feel it properly. He turned it up hotter, until the burning from the water was enough to distract him slightly from the unsettling feeling.

He couldn't stop crying, but he didn't even know why. It wasn't like he or Kai had done anything wrong. Somehow that thought made him cry even harder. Why was he being so stupid and getting upset over nothing?

He didn't even know what it was that he felt like. He felt dirty, like he had done something wrong, but also like something wrong had been done to him. But he  _ knew  _ that it wasn't wrong, it was normal, so what was his problem?

Eventually he stopped crying, and got out of the shower.

 

* * *

 

Later, Takato, the other tamers, and Kai all met up in the park.

“Hey guys,” Takato said, “This is Kai, he’s my cousin. You know him, I think, Henry.”

Henry nodded, “Yeah, I kinda remember him from when we went to Okinawa that time.”

Kai looked to Jeri and grinned, “Oh, are you the girl Takato saved from that D-Reaper thing?”

Takato grimaced. He wasn’t sure if Jeri wanted to be reminded of that.

However, Jeri smiled brightly and laughed, “Yeah! I helped save myself too though, you know. Takato just did the impressive-looking part.”

“I remember seeing all of you guys on the TV, actually,” Kai said, pointing to Henry, Rika, and Ryo especially.

“Yeah,” Takato interrupted, “But we don’t really like talking about that.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Kai said.

“Hey, do you know how to play digimon cards?” Kazu asked.

Kai shook his head, “No, I didn’t even know there were cards.”

“Seriously? Man, do you live in a cave, or something?” Kazu asked.

“No, just on an island,” Kai laughed.

Kazu’s eyes widened, “Oh, really? Cool!”

“I’m sure I mentioned that before,” Takato said.

Kazu and Kenta began enthusiastically telling Kai about digimon cards, dragging Ryo into their conversation, while Takato wandered away.

He found it hard to focus; he kept thinking about what had happened between him and Kai the night before. He just couldn’t get it out of his mind, and kept mentally replaying it over and over.

Actually, Henry had cousins, didn’t he? He considered asking Henry if it really was normal for cousins to… Do those things. But then again, if it  _ was _ normal, then Henry might think he was stupid for not knowing that. And if it  _ wasn’t _ , then he might think Takato was weird for having done it.

Takato decided to just not say anything, and to just try not to think about it. Which was what he’d already been doing, just failing miserably.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong, Takato?” Jeri asked, “You look worried about something.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” he forced a smile, “I’m just… Thinking. And I didn’t know Kai was gonna start bringing up the D-Reaper and stuff. I hope he didn’t make things awkward.”

Jeri shrugged, “No, it’s okay. I am kinda tired of being known to so many people as just the girl that you saved from the D-Reaper, though.”

Takato blushed and shook his head, “No, you know you’re so much more than that! Both to me, and to everyone else. Just- I don’t know, I only ever mentioned you to him that one time.”

Jeri nodded, “Yeah, I know. It’s okay, don’t worry.”

Takato looked over to his cousin. He could see that Kazu was teaching him to play digimon cards now, and Ryo was trying to get away but failing.

Rika and Henry came over to Takato and Jeri.

“Is there really any point having these meetups, still?” Rika asked, “I mean, the only thing that brought us together is gone. And you brought your cousin?”

“Sorry,” Takato said, “I wanted him to meet my friends, is all.”

Rika sighed, “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Sorry. I just don’t like being reminded of the D-Reaper and all that, you know?”

Takato grimaced, “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t think- I didn’t know he’d say that.”

“I guess social awkwardness runs in your family,” Rika smirked.

Takato wanted to argue but really couldn’t, “...Yeah, I guess,” he laughed.

“Are you okay, Takato?” Henry asked.

“Yeah,” Rika said, “You look like you’re kinda spaced out.”

“What? No, I’m fine, it’s nothing!” he said.

“...Alright, if you're sure,” Rika said.

“Actually, I might just leave,” Takato said, “I'm… Tired. And Kai knows how to find my house. He seems to be having more fun here than I am right now.”

“Those idiots- Kazu and Kenta, I mean- always seem to get some kind of kick out of meeting up,” Rika said, “As if we're still real tamers.”

“We are!” Takato and Jeri said in unison.

“Just because our partners are gone for now doesn't mean we never had them,” Takato said, “I get what you mean, though. I think the excitement hadn't worn off for them yet, and now it never will.”

“Why are you being so pessimistic today, Rika?” Henry asked.

Rika shrugged, “I don't know. I'm not doing it on purpose, I swear.”

“We'll get our partners back someday, anyway,” Takato said, though he felt slightly awkward knowing that for Jeri, that most likely wasn't true.

Rika rolled her eyes, but said nothing.

“Anyway, like I said, I'm gonna go home and… Well, go home, anyway. Kai's having fun, and he knows how to get back.”

“Alright, see you later,” Rika said.

“Should you really be just leaving him, though?” Henry asked.

  
Takato shrugged, “He left me first by going over there.”


	3. Chapter 3

It had been nearly a week since Kai had arrived, and every night was the same. They shared a bed, and at least once a night, Kai initiated something sexual.

Kai tended to fall asleep right afterwards, but for the past two nights, Takato just couldn't fall asleep, somehow. Instead, he'd get up and go cry in the bathroom for a while, and  _ then  _ go back and eventually fall asleep.

Today, Takato, Kai and Kazu were in the playground, and Kazu and Kai were playing digimon cards while Takato watched. Or at least that's what Takato was supposed to be doing; he couldn't actually make himself focus on the game. He could hear the sound of his heart pounding, and realised he was shaking. What was  _ wrong  _ with him? He kept getting like this whenever he even  _ looked  _ at Kai. His heart beat faster and he couldn't focus and he started shaking, and he wanted nothing more than to just run as far away as he could. But he couldn't, because Kai was his cousin. And what, was he afraid of his own cousin? That was ridiculous.

He tried to breathe deeply to calm himself down, but he felt like he couldn't get a breath. Again, he kept mentally reliving everything that had happened between him and Kai. It was basically the same thing every night, so it was kinda hard to tell which memories corresponded to which night.

“Takato, are you even paying attention?” Kazu said.

“Sorry!” Takato said, “I just got distracted.”

“It sounds like having a digimon partner was so cool!” Kai said, “I'm so jealous! I wish I had one!”

Takato smiled, “Yeah, it was cool. I really do miss Guilmon and the others…”

“Yeah,” Kazu said, “Guardromon was the most awesome partner a guy could ask for. I hope they're all doing okay. I miss him, too.”

“I'm sorry,” Kai said, “You guys always get so sad when I bring this up.”

“Well, yeah, we miss them,” Takato said.

“Yeah, it kinda is sad,” Kazu said. But then he shrugged, “So like I was saying, this card game is great practice for having a real partner. If you ever wanna get a digimon partner, you have to be good with cards!”

Takato went back to thinking. Was he really afraid of his own cousin? It was starting to seem like it. He was counting down the days to when Kai would leave- there was about eight days left now- and he kept finding himself hoping that something would happen to make Kai have to leave sooner, or that he would have to sleep somewhere else, or that his parents would say they weren't allowed to share a bed anymore, or just  _ anything _ that would make him not have to do sexual things with his cousin anymore.

He felt so guilty for thinking that. He barely ever saw Kai, and the one time that he did, he spent the whole time wishing it would be over sooner? What kind of cousin was he?

* * *

 

That night, Kai began touching Takato as usual. It didn't take Takato by surprise anymore; it was almost like a part of his mind switched off every time it happened.

“Hey, we're gonna try something new,” Kai said, as he pulled Takato close to him.

“Okay,” Takato said, lacking emotion.

Kai pulled Takato's pants and underwear down, and then pulled down his own. He then rubbed himself until he had an erection.

“It might hurt a bit, but it'll be worth it, okay?” Kai said.

“Okay,” Takato replied, wishing he didn't have to do this, or that he could at least switch his mind off so that he wouldn't have to experience it.

Kai rolled Takato over so that he was lying on his front, “It's gonna be really fun, okay?”

Takato didn't reply.

Kai put two of his fingers into his mouth to get them wet, then inserted them both into Takato's anus.

Takato let out a yelp, then tensed up out of some kind of instinct.

“No,” Kai said, as he slowly moved his fingers in and out, “You need to relax. You're just making it more difficult by clenching up like that.”

Takato blushed, “Sorry.” He tried to relax, but he couldn't. He tried to think of something else, and just waited for this to be over.

“Doesn't it feel good?” Kai said.

“Yeah, I guess,” Takato lied.

“This'll be even better,” Kai said, as he inserted his erect penis into Takato.

Takato gasped sharply and gripped the sheets tightly, “That hurts! I don't like this now, please stop!”

“Aw, come on, don't say that.”

“Seriously, this hurts a lot! I really want you to stop!”

“No you don't,” Kai said, “Just trust me, it'll feel good, I promise. You can do it to me afterwards if you want.”

“N-no, I don't want to.”

Kai thrusted in and out faster, and Takato sobbed silently with every thrust, wishing this would end.

Finally, Kai came, and he pulled out of Takato, then turned over and went to sleep.

When he was sure that Kai was asleep, Takato got up and went into the bathroom. He found it hard to walk properly, and his butt hurt a  _ lot _ . He realised in the bathroom that his anus was bleeding. He cleaned the blood off himself as he continued to cry quietly.

He went back into his room, and got back into bed with Kai. Just being near Kai made his blood run cold, and somehow he felt like Kai was definitely going to do the same thing again right now, even though he knew that wasn't possible because Kai was clearly asleep.

He closed his eyes and tried to relax, but every few minutes he would suddenly wake up, convinced that his cousin was going to wake up any second and start trying to have sex with him again. No matter how many times he told himself that wasn't going to happen, he just couldn't calm down enough to go to sleep. 


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Takato pretended to be asleep when Kai woke up. He could feel his heart pounding, so he wasn’t sure if he looked convincing, but Kai didn’t seem to pay any attention to him. Takato sighed quietly in relief as soon as he heard Kai leave the room. He was exhausted. He hadn’t managed to fall asleep at all, and he’d been completely on edge the whole night, terrified that Kai was going to wake up and try to have sex with him again. He felt like throwing up just at the thought.

He needed to stop being so afraid of his own cousin! If anything, shouldn’t he be happy that Kai liked him enough to do all of those things? But still, he just couldn’t shake the feeling that something about it was horribly wrong, no matter how much he tried to convince himself that it was good, and no matter how sure Kai seemed that it was a normal cousin thing.

He flinched when Kai walked back into the room, ruining any chance of pretending to be asleep again.

“Oh, hey Takato.”

“Hey,” Takato said, trying to sound normal and not give away how scared he was.

“Are you okay? You look really tired.”

“Y-yeah, I just d-didn’t sleep very well. I think I’m just not used to sharing a bed.”

“Oh. That sucks,” Kai said, “...So, what do you wanna do today? I’m not sure if I wanna play Digimon cards every day, especially when it seems to make you and the others so sad. I mean, you space out every time we play, it seems.”

Takato felt slightly relieved at Kai giving him such a convenient excuse for why he was acting so strange, “Y-yeah, that’s it. I really miss Guilmon, you know? I hadn’t played Digimon cards since even before the D-Reaper, so…”

“Yeah, I’m sorry for bringing it up again for you. What do you wanna do instead? We could get ice-cream, or see a movie or something?”

Takato’s stomach flipped again. Maybe he was overthinking it, but weren’t those things couples did? If he and Kai weren’t already doing sexual things together every night he wouldn’t have read into it so much, but since they were, those suggestions were really unsettling.

"Um, yeah. Great idea! A movie sounds good!”

Takato hoped the movie would distract him from what now seemed to be constant fear. Maybe he’d be able to focus on it enough to forget Kai was even there. 

* * *

For the first twenty minutes or so of the movie, Takato was almost able to forget about everything with Kai. But then Kai reached his hand over to brush against Takato’s, and suddenly Takato found himself reliving the previous night as if it was all happening again.

He came back to reality and realised he was shaking and sweating, and now had no idea what was happening in the movie.

Kai turned to Takato, “Hey, are you okay?” he whispered.

“Yeah. Well, I just don’t feel well. I don’t know.”

“That sucks. Do you wanna go home, or stay for the rest of the movie?”

“I- I don’t know. I think I’ll go home, but you can stay if you want. I mean, it would be a waste not to, right?”

Kai shrugged, and Takato left as quickly as he could.

As soon as he got outside the cinema, he started crying. He walked home as quickly as he could, so that nobody could see. He didn’t even know why he was crying. Somehow, just even being around Kai was unbearable, but he just didn’t know why. It didn’t make any sense. He needed to stop overreacting. He wiped his eyes and tried to calm down.

Without looking where he was going, he walked right into Jeri.

“Oh, Jeri, I’m sorry!”

“That’s okay!” she laughed, “Hey, are you okay? You look like you were crying.”

“Um, y-yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Hey, where’s Kai?”

“Uh, h-he’s-” Takato started shaking, and suddenly couldn’t breathe at all, never mind speak.

“...Is there something going on between you and him? Are you like, fighting or something? You seem really weird around him.”

Takato shook his head, “N-no, it’s just… Nothing.”

“Are you sure? You can tell me if you want.”

He shook his head again. He couldn’t tell Jeri. He knew he’d either seem ridiculous for thinking the things he and Kai did were wrong, or gross for doing those things in the first place. Honestly, even though he was trying to convince himself that he and Kai weren’t doing anything wrong, as it went on, he felt more and more that it must be wrong. If he told Jeri, what if she never wanted to talk to him again?

“I can’t tell you. It’s nothing, anyway. It doesn’t matter. I’m overreacting.”

“Well… Okay, I guess,” Jeri said, “But if you ever change your mind, you can talk to me any time, okay? Anyway, isn’t Kai leaving next week?”

“Yeah, he’s leaving exactly a week from today.”

“So whatever it is, it’ll be over soon.”

Takato nodded, “Y-yeah, you’re right.”

“Anyway, see you later,” Jeri said.

“Bye,” Takato said, and continued walking.

Even though it was true that Kai was leaving in a week, it still felt like this would never truly be over. Kai leaving wouldn’t stop him from mentally reliving all of it over and over, would it? And even if he never saw Kai again, he’d still always be someone who’d had sex with his cousin. Even if Kai insisted it was normal, Takato really didn’t think it was. He didn’t think he’d ever be the same again. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint what was different or why, but it felt like something had permanently changed on the first night, and it was just getting worse and worse each time they did anything.


	5. Chapter 5

There were three days left until Kai was going home. Takato felt like he was falling apart more and more each day, and at this point he didn’t know how nobody noticed; he was constantly reliving every single night, with all of the memories blurring together into one horrifying mess. Any time he so much as looked at Kai or thought about him at all he felt sick and his heart raced, and he could barely keep himself from crying in front of anyone.

Kai had penetrated Takato every night for the past few nights- instead of the two of them touching each other- and Takato was almost worried that his anus would be permanently damaged from how much it hurt. But this was normal, wasn’t it? Maybe he was just weak, somehow. 

“Takato?” his mother waved a hand in front of his face.

Takato flinched and came back to reality, “Oh, uh, sorry. Yeah?”

“Do you and Kai want to bake anything? You can show him how to make Guilmon bread, and it would help me and your father.”

“Oh, yeah, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before now.”

Kai walked into the room, “What?”

Takato tensed up and felt as if everything from the previous nights was happening again. He tried to ignore it. “I- Uh, d-do you w-want to make bread? I c-can show you how if you want. I don’t know why I didn’t th-think of it before. I guess I kinda- I forgot not everyone lives in a bakery, I guess.”

“Yeah, that sounds great!” Kai smiled.

Takato nodded, and the two of them went into the kitchen and put on aprons.

Takato gathered ingredients in silence, and got himself and Kai a mixing bowl and spoon each.

“So, what do I do? Just put the things in and mix it?” Kai asked.

Takato nodded shakily, “Y-yeah, just- Yeah, I already measured everything out for you.”

“Are you okay? You’re shaking.”

Takato tried to breathe deeply as he mixed the ingredients in his own bowl, “Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t know why I’m shaking.”

“Oh, okay,” Kai shrugged, and went back to mixing, “So, after mixing it what do we do?”

“Well, we’re not done mixing yet, anyway, but when we are we’ll need to knead it.”

“Oh, yeah, that's right!”

When the dough was ready to be baked, Takato started moulding his into the shape of Guilmon’s head. He found that focusing on this had calmed him down a lot and almost made him forget about Kai doing sexual things to him. Almost.

“What shape is that?” Kai asked.

“Oh, it’s Guilmon’s head! ‘Cause this is Guilmon bread. It’s one of the most popular things we sell, apparently. Though we can just eat ours if you want, we don’t have to let them be sold.”

Kai laughed, “Guilmon bread, that’s awesome! I don’t think mine will turn out very good, though.”

“That’s okay, it doesn’t have to.”

They put the bread into the oven, and Takato set a timer for ten minutes.

“It’s only gonna take ten minutes?” Kai asked.

“Well, no, it’s just that I want to check it in ten minutes.”

“So, what should we do now? Just watch it, or…?”

“That’s usually what I do,” Takato shrugged, “Why?”

Kai grinned, “You should come with me, I want to show you something.”

Takato looked at him, confused, “Oh, okay, I guess. The timer’s gonna go off in ten minutes, though.”

“Yeah, that’s fine, we can be fast.” Kai took Takato’s hand, and dragged him out of the kitchen.

Takato’s stomach flipped, and he had a feeling that this wasn’t going to be anything good.

Kai brought Takato into the bathroom, and locked the door.

“W-what are we-”

Kai interrupted Takato by forcefully kissing him on the lips. He pushed Takato against the door, and kept kissing him. He started using his tongue, and Takato reluctantly reciprocated.

Somehow, this felt even  _ more _ wrong than the sex had. Takato hadn’t been sure whether or not cousins were supposed to touch each other like that, but he was pretty sure that only couples were meant to kiss like this. Right? He wasn’t so sure anymore. If only couples were meant to kiss like this, then why was Kai kissing him this way? Maybe this was also a thing cousins did that he hadn’t known about. But it still felt so  _ wrong _ . He felt sick and wanted to cry.

After what seemed like forever, Kai pulled away. Takato felt dizzy and couldn’t breathe.

“You didn’t seem very into that,” Kai said.

“S-sorry,” Takato said, “I-I’ve never really kissed anyone before.”

“Wow, really? Nobody at all?”

Takato blushed and nodded.

“Hmm, hey, do you wanna do something else?”

Takato shrugged.

“Okay, just kneel down,” Kai said.

Takato was confused, but obeyed.

Kai took off his apron and dropped it on the ground, then undid his pants and pulled out his penis.

“What is this? I mean, what am I meant to do?” Takato whispered.

“Just open your mouth,” Kai said, rubbing himself. He put his now semi-erect penis into Takato’s mouth, “Just… Suck it, like you would an ice pop, or something.”

Takato didn’t fully understand the instruction, but tried his best to pretend that his cousin’s penis was an ice pop. He licked it gently, while moving his head up and down. 

Kai gasped, and got harder, while Takato continued his motions. “Yeah, keep doing that, exactly like that,” Kai said, and put his hand on Takato’s head, grabbing some of his hair.

Takato’s jaw was starting to hurt from keeping his mouth open so wide, and he felt like gagging. He felt even more nauseous than he already had, and his eyes were watering, but he kept going.

Kai moaned, “Yeah, come on, go faster.”

Takato did his best to go faster, but he found it hard to focus on keeping his mouth open, licking Kai's penis, moving his head, and trying not to gag, all at once. He kept going, and Kai thrust into the back of his throat. 

Takato gagged, and Kai moaned loudly as he came into Takato's mouth.

Kai stepped back, and Takato fell backwards onto the floor, coughing and choking on Kai's cum. He half-swallowed the cum in his mouth, then crawled over to the toilet and threw up.

“Are you okay?” Kai asked, “I can do the same to you, if you want.”

Takato stood back up. His eyes were red and tears were running down his face. He shook his head, “No, I don't want you to, it's okay. The timer's probably gonna go off soon, anyway.”

Sure enough, as soon as he said that, the timer went off.

“Um, do you want me to check on the bread, and you can clean yourself up?” Kai asked.

Takato nodded, “Yeah, that would be good, thanks.”

Kai picked his apron up and put it back on, then went back into the kitchen.

As soon as he was gone, Takato began to sob uncontrollably. He went over to the sink and rinsed his mouth out a few times, but he could still taste Kai's cum in his mouth. He gagged again at the thought, and dry heaved into the sink. There was no way he was going to be able to eat the bread they'd made now, or at least not without throwing it back up immediately.

He tried to calm himself down, but his attempts at deep breaths just turned into hiccups and more sobs. He wished Kai had never come here. He wished he didn't have a cousin at all. He wished none of this had happened. There was only three more days until Kai was going to leave, but he didn't know how he was even going to survive that long. He just couldn't handle this anymore. He was tempted to start counting down the hours until Kai left, but he wasn't sure if that would even help at all, and he couldn't think straight enough to calculate the exact number, anyway. Was it 36 hours? No, that didn't sound right. It didn't matter. However many hours it was, it couldn't possibly come soon enough.

Kai stepped back into the bathroom then. “Hey, are you alright? I set the timer for another ten minutes, is that okay, or too long, or what?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, ten minutes is fine. It'll probably need another ten minutes after that, I think. And uh, I just f-feel really sick,” Takato said, shaking. His heart was pounding. He was tired of having this reaction every time Kai even came near him. His heart must have been getting tired of beating so fast all the time at this point, too.

“Oh, I'm sorry,” Kai said, “I guess you've never sucked anyone's dick before either, huh?”

Takato shook his head, “Yeah, no, never. I'm sorry. I'm just- Not used to anything like this.”

Kai shrugged, “That's okay. Maybe I should've got you to practice on an ice pop first,” he laughed.

Takato forced a smile, “Yeah, maybe. Did you feel like this the first time you did this stuff with anyone before, too? Like sick and shaky and stuff?” he asked, looking away.

Kai looked like he was thinking, “I don't know. I don't really remember. I've been doing it with my other cousins for as long as I can remember, so I don't really have any memory of the first time. Like, as far as I'm concerned I've just always been used to it. Does it really feel that weird to you?”

Takato nodded, “Yeah. I've never even kissed anyone before. And you're my only cousin, so I had no idea that cousins… Were meant to…” he trailed off.

Kai shrugged, “Well, better late than never. At least you've got  _ some _ experience now. And now you know.”

Takato nodded, but he still felt, deep down, like all of this was wrong. He didn't understand how Kai could be so normal about it. He felt disgusting and used. This really didn't feel normal at all. Was that really just because he wasn't used to it? If it was bad then surely Kai wouldn't be so okay with it, would he?

“So, uh, do you wanna go back and check on the bread?” Takato asked quietly.

“Yeah, sure!” Kai said, and the two of them returned to the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the two weeks was over and it was time for Kai to leave. The sexual interactions had continued during the last three days and nights, though by this point it all completely blurred together for Takato, and he barely even knew what day it was anymore, despite trying to keep track. 

Takato’s mother drove Takato and Kai to the airport, while Takato’s father stayed at the bakery.

“It sucks that I have to leave so soon,” Kai said, “It seems like it went by so fast.”

“Y-yeah,” Takato said, despite it having felt like the longest and most unbearable two weeks of his life; even worse than the time he’d spent in the digital world, or the time he’d spent fighting the D-Reaper. Somehow, this had seemed much more painful.

“You can always come visit again next year!” Takato’s mother said, “We’d be glad to have you. Right, Takato?”

Takato felt his entire body tense up, and almost couldn’t get himself to speak. “Y-yeah, d-definitely.”

He stared out the car window, and tried to forget Kai was sitting next to him. He hoped that after Kai left, he’d be able to forget he even had a cousin, and forget that the past two weeks had ever happened.

After a while, they arrived at the airport, and Takato and his mother walked with Kai as far as they could go.

Kai hugged Takato, and whispered, “I already can’t wait to see you again.”

Takato felt like crying, but was just about able to force himself not to. He still felt ridiculous for reacting this way, and being so afraid of his own cousin.

He nodded when Kai pulled back, “Y-yeah. I’ll see you next year, I-I guess.”

Finally, Kai left, and Takato and his mother began to drive back home.

Takato leaned against the car window, and started to fall asleep. As soon as Kai was gone, he’d instantly felt the biggest sense of relief, almost as though Kai had been inflicting some kind of curse on him just by being near him. He felt bad for being so glad that Kai was finally gone, but that was drowned out by tiredness, as he managed to fall asleep properly for the first time in nearly two weeks.

* * *

When the car stopped at his house, Takato jerked awake, reflexively afraid that Kai was going to initiate something sexual with him again. He calmed down slightly as he remembered that Kai was now on a plane back to Okinawa and so that was impossible, but he couldn’t fully shake the feeling that it was somehow going to happen anyway.

“Are you alright?” Takato’s mother asked, “You haven’t seemed like yourself for the past few days.”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. I guess- I don’t know, I haven’t been sleeping well. I guess I’m not used to sharing a room with someone.”

He didn't even consider trying to tell her what was really wrong; he was sure that either she'd think he was overreacting and that everything that he and Kai had done was completely normal, or she'd think he was disgusting for doing all those things with Kai, or possibly both.

“Hmm,” she said, but didn’t say anything else.

Takato went upstairs to his room, and immediately felt tense and uncomfortable as soon as he walked through the door. He’d taken the futon off the floor earlier and put it away, but felt as though it was still there, and couldn’t stop himself from mentally reliving the nights with Kai over the past two weeks.

He looked around the room repeatedly to try to reassure himself that Kai definitely wasn’t here; the futon wasn’t on the floor anymore, Kai’s things were gone, Kai’s luggage was gone, and there was no sign of Kai anywhere. But he still couldn’t help feeling like he wasn’t safe at all and that Kai could reappear at any second and have sex with him again.

He shuddered, feeling sick at the thought, and climbed up into his regular bed and pulled the covers over his head. He started to sob, and covered his face so as not to make too much noise.

Why was he still so terrified? Kai was gone! He wasn’t going to just appear again out of nowhere!

Takato sobbed even harder. He’d really hoped that he’d be back to normal again as soon as Kai left, and didn’t understand why he still felt so scared and upset. He’d thought that this would all be over when Kai left, but it seemed like it might never truly end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intend to probably write a sequel at some point that's less depressing/hopeless, that is, where Takato starts recovering and feeling better.


End file.
